A few months ago I bought a fabulous inspirational, prompt filled planner … it’s a wonderful tool to self motivate and reflect. However; so much of it … like all… is for someone that isn’t in my boat. It’s for someone that wants to do more and be more active, both physically and personally connecting with others. My reality, not complaining, just being honest….
I’m never alone for more than a few minutes and even then it’s typically when I’m in the bathroom … he waits outside the door. Even now, I set up a video in the other room and he’s come in twice in 10 minutes to make sure I’m “Okay” because he can’t see me. It’s not a toddler, it’s my hubby. Today I had to put shaving cream on his face and hand him a razor. I dried my hair behind him while he shaved. Then had to suggest numerous times that he needed to follow up with a shower. I grabbed the clothes he’s worn for days and hid them in the dirty clothes hamper and quickly got clean clothes so he saw them as soon as he exited the shower.
He no longer eats any food, other than sweets, without me handing it to him. He’ll pour himself a cup of coffee and leave my cup sitting empty … it’s as though he can’t see past the end of his nose. I asked him to carry a laundry basket downstairs … he picked it up and said “no, it’s too heavy.” He then followed me as I carried it.
All of these are just examples of how my hubby has changed … he never would have considered not bringing me coffee or letting me carry something heavy.
I don’t think I’m at a point in my life where I can focus on how to interact with family more, be more involved in my community … just a couple of the things the journal mentions. My goals become more and more basic with each passing day …. how to keep hubby from turning off the movie and putting the dvd away if I go to the bathroom. How to keep him from emptying the dog’s water buckets for the third time in one morning. How to have a little peace. I know I sound like such a sad sack …. I’m hoping that with the passing of the holidays and the return of routine life will settle a little.